In this post, I’m being more transparent than I usually am. I don’t like being vulnerable and transparent because I’ve been hurt too many times by people being unsupportive while opening up. Consider this post a milestone, especially after 6 months of writer’s block and God loving off some rough edges.
All my life my parents have told me we never stop growing and being in process. For the longest time I had a hard time understanding what they meant, that is until 2015. Sure I knew being in process would mean revelations and big “aha” moments that at some point would cause shifts in how I see life. 2015 was a year I went through some very life-changing processes. 2015 was a year where God really drew me out of my comfort zone, and it was the best thing that could ever happen to me. If you told me in 2014 that the most life-changing, amazing, eye-opening, joyful, hopeful, and humbling experiences would happen to me, I would have laughed in your face because I had never felt good enough. 2015 was the year God showed me my worth in Christ, but it wasn’t easy to get to the place where I am now.
I had to face a lot of rough patches in order to move forward. When I was in high school I really struggled with self-esteem. I never wanted to hate myself but really struggled to accept my personality and outward appearance. You would think that it’s weird and stupid that God would let us go through some pretty awful times, but he wants you to seek him in the times of pain. God wants us to let it all go and let him love us unconditionally, and he often uses those tough moments to show it. It was in the moments when I felt like I couldn’t give any more to God when I knew it was all I needed to give. I finally saw the purpose in the hurt because I could look back and see how it shaped me. I was able to experience the “found” after the “lost.” I had to feel unsatisfied, uncomfortable, unfulfilled and unworthy in order to see the beauty in the process, because God took me in my vulnerable state and loved off a lot of rough edges. I could truly experience joy, hope, grace, gratitude and worth, not through my eyes but God’s eyes. I’ve been able to use the good and the bad to share what Jesus Christ has done in my life and how he’s creating me into the godly woman I want to be because of who he is: my Heavenly Father and Everlasting God.
Being in process doesn’t come easily for anyone. While moving toward growth we experience so much; often we are hit with change when we least expect it and change change hits hard. Sometimes we don’t know what to do with it all. In the moment we may not even have hope of feeling happy or stable again. But we can take heart, the ups and downs are a part of being in process and of becoming. If I’ve learned anything about being in process is that it’s never too slow or too fast because when you allow God to be in control of your life, everything falls into place at the right time. He will always bring us through. One of the verses I read recently that really stands out to me is in the book of Isaiah:
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.” – Isaiah 43: 18-19 (NIV)
I’m grateful for a new year, God is with us as we journey and continue learning to be lights shining for him.
I hope that this is encouraging as you enter into 2016!