“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”
A couple of months ago I did something that never in a MILLION years thought I would do; I filmed and shared this video. It’s just not any old “vlog” type of video, one where I shared something that’s been a huge part of who I am, having learning disabilities. I got real about it, but also wanting to shed some hope into it because there is hope.
For years I used intensity and distance to hide my fear. I had a really hard time letting people get close close to me because I didn’t want to get hurt or be treated differently because of having ADHD and NVLD; I didn’t want to be teased for my awkwardness or how I process things. I still avoid that would cause me feel anxious and afraid. Posting this video is my way of facing my fear.
I’ve have to work on where I focus my energy. Now, my focus is not so much the frustrations with academics, nor the low self-esteem from knowing that I’m different, nor the times where I’ve gotten angry with God for creating me this way, nor the anxiety of being in new or awkward social situations. It’s not the worrying about whether people like me because it’s hard to read their body language or their “texting voice.” nor the fact that I absolutely suck at the concept of time, or even the moments where I legitimately want to crawl out of my brain because it just won’t focus. Yes, those are all important parts of growth, but they do not make up my identity. The fact is that I can rest in good friendships with people who love me no matter what; I’m incredibly creative and love collaborating with people creatively; I’ve never stopped working hard for what I want and believe I can achieve my dreams. I want people to understand and the world to open up for people with learning disabilities. The fact that ultimately God made me this way is what I hold on to. I have rough days when my brain feels like the worst thing in the entire world to deal with and can drive me to the point of tears. There are good days too, even great days. You learn from the rough and lavish in the good.
I’m on a journey learning how to love my mind, I will be posting more videos very soon. Just letting my creative mind do it’s thing.
If there is anything you would like to know about learning disabilities or any content you would be interested in seeing, please contact me! I’d love to put out content that everyone can watch.
Until next time,