One of the most healing and beautiful moments I’ve had in my walk with Jesus was when I reached a point where I was sick and tired of being insecure and finally allowed him to love me and help me see myself as he does. The freedom of letting go of self-hate, doubt and the anxiety that comes with being an insecure person was a weight lifted off my shoulders and changed my self-awareness completely. My relationships with my friends and family improved, even my relationship with myself became healthier. Most importantly, I found Jesus again.
Being an insecure person was lonely and terrifying and I never, ever want to go back to never feeling good about myself. But, I’m going to be honest, the battle isn’t fully over.
Here’s something I’ve kind of been struggling with lately: One moment I’m like “Yes, I got this” or “Wow, I have so much to offer!” and I feel great, like I can accomplish anything. But sometimes those thoughts take a 180: “I don’t have this, I suck at this.” Or “Wow, I have nothing to offer.”
But here’s the catch: deep down in the depths of my heart and soul, I know that I’m exactly the way and where I’m supposed to be and that God, the creator of the universe, loves me the way I am. It feels like such a paradox: I know my worth, yet some days I feel so insecure. It completely messes with my psyche how I can feel insecure, yet completely know I have worth. Honestly, it feels like I’m not just going against the current, but I’m literally going against myself, my broken human-natured self.
To be honest, sometimes when I’ve felt insecure about anything from the battle of the ADHD brain, not being society’s standard of beauty and even singleness, I turn straight to this mindset: “Well, at least I have my future career ahead of me to keep me going; that will give me worth in this world.” Let me tell you, pushing myself further into “Communications Professional Abby” hasn’t made me feel any better about myself. Actually, it’s made me more anxious and harder on myself than I already am with big expectations.
Now, you might be thinking, “Oh Abby, ye of little faith!” But here’s something to think about: What if God is using these moments of insecurity to bring me closer to him? What if those times I start to feel insecure and I bring it all to God are moments that draw me closer to him, and I stop turning to social media and my make-up bag? Or what if I maybe even stop pushing the idea of my career-as- identity on myself?
I guess the point I’m trying to make is this: We won’t be able to scratch the surface of being confident unless we let God come into our insecurities. We have a choice what we do with our insecurities; our brokenness doesn’t have to break our spirits, but can motivate us to want to seek restoration.
Yes, you should be investing in your relationship with by reading the Bible, praying and living for his purpose, don’t get me wrong. All that is important to spiritual vitality. But, I do believe God uses moments when we are on shaky ground with our identity to teach us to seek him more. The good news? God doesn’t need us to have it all together to go to him. We don’t need to “fake it ’til we make it” with Him. He wants us to know how much he loves us and that we can come to him whenever and always.
I find the book of Philippians to be the most encouraging when I feel insecure or lack in confidence. Paul had a pretty good idea of what “the struggle” is like, but remained confident in the Lord.
“I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6, CSB)
Side note: I’m still trying to figure out this being confident thing, and I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% confident in myself, but if there’s one thing I can be confident about even when I’m feeling insecure: there is hope; I am capable of being successful and I am always loved.
Thank you for reading! I would love to hear what you all do when you feel insecure and what you do to bring yourself back to God. Tweet me or comment on this post!
Until next time,